Knock on Ed
by Andyroid
Summary: One can assume that the ever logical Edd isn't superstitious... and you know what happens when a cartoon character declares that superstitions are a load of bunk: the cosmos tries to prove him wrong!
1. Curse of the EdBoys

"Knock on Ed"  
An _Ed, Edd, 'n' Eddy_ fanfic by Andy Anime

**OBLIGATORY LEGAL JUNK**: Ed, Edd, Eddy, and all the rest are trademarked property of AKA Cartoon and the Cartoon Network. The events and characters depicted in this fanfic are purely fictional. Any resemblence to any real person, place, or events is (probably) purely coincidental. Any resemblence to any superstition-themed episode of any other cartoon show is a coincidence too, it's just there are only so many clichés to go around… Anyway, on with the show!

A modest crowd (composed of pretty much all of the kids living on Peach Creek Lane) had gathered in front of a rickety stage set up in the playground. A loudly-decorated sign near the park entrance advertised, in its own unique fashion: 

THE AMAZING EDDY COPPERFIELD!  
LIVE! TODAY ONLEE @ NOON!   
ADMISSION = A QUARTER

"Oh, this oughta be good," said Sarah, with obvious sarcasm, as she reluctantly allowed Jimmy to escort her to her seat, in the third row of deck chairs.

"You said it, squirt!" quipped Kevin, reclining in his seat next to Nazz, and right behind Sarah and Jimmy. "Seeing the Ed-heads make themselves look like dorks oughta be a real hoot!"

"Indeed, Kevin!" seconded Rolf, who had gotten a front row seat and was munching a sack of his mother's homemade rutabaga chips. "Rolf hopes to be similarly pleased by the bungled wacky hijinks of the hand-is-quicker-than-the-eye Ed-boys!"

Jimmy chuckled nervously, and tried unsuccessfully to cheer up Sarah. "C'mon, Sarah! Everyone loves magic shows! Don't you ever wonder how they do all those neat tricks?"

Sarah grunted in annoyance, and replied, "Get real, Jimmy! This stage magic stuff is faker than Eddy's dad's toupee! Everyone knows it's all done with mirrors!"

Rolf turned in his seat to face Sarah, a quizzical look on his face, and sincerely inquired, "Rolf is confused! Tell me, Lesser Sibling of the All-Whey-No-Curd Ed-boy, how does one use mirrors in escaping from a collapsing building, or making the Lady of Liberty vanish into thick air?"

Sarah was about to tell Rolf to get a clue, but was interrupted by a drumroll, provided by Ed sitting on the side of the stage, banging on his own head with a pair of wooden spoons. Edd stepped out on the stage, dressed in a ratty tuxedo that had apparently been confiscated from the dump, and cleared his throat into the microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen! I'm glad you're all here today, the bright young faces of..."

Edd was cut off by a flying bag of popcorn, which he just barely dodged, and by Kevin yelling "Get on with it, Double-Doofus! Get to the part where your twerp friend screws everything up!"

"Chill out, Kev!" said Nazz, putting an arm on Kevin's shoulder that promptly shut up the cul-de-sac's token cool guy. "It might not be that bad. After all, if stage magic is just tricks and deception and stuff like that, it oughta be right up Eddy's alley!"

Overcome with the realization that even Kevin was aware what a preposterous scam this was, and relieved at a bit of encouragement (however backhanded) from Nazz, Edd went on. "Anyway, I would like to introduce..." Suddenly suffering from an extreme bout of self-conciousness, Edd turned stage left and pleaded to a figure unseen by the audience, "Eddy, this is preposterous! Do I have to say the whole thing?"

"Just get on with it already, Double-Dee, before the audience gets restless!" came Eddy's voice in a stage-whisper from off stage. "They might start demanding refunds any minute!"

Edd gave a resigned sigh, and said flatly and rapidly, "...that Master of Magic, that Champ of Chicanery, that Incredibly Interesting Illusionist…" Here Edd was cut off yet again, this time by the choking crimson fumes of a smoke bomb thrown from offstage. Eddy dashed out onto stage from behind what he hoped was an all-concealing cloud of smoke, and was ready and waiting to greet the crowd in an old purple polyester leisure suit, complete with matching top hat, once the smoke was gone.

Once he was finished coughing and gagging, Edd sighed, and gestured to Eddy, finishing with, "The amazing Eddy Copperfield." 

With this, Ed left off drumming on his head, and sat swaying dizzily, chuckling as he watched the stars go round. "Hey, I can see my house from here!" he snickered.

Edd stared at Ed, pitying his friend's apparent lack of regard for the safety of his poor, underused brain cells, then turned to Eddy with a desperate cry of "Can I go now?"

Eddy replied by shoving Edd offstage with one foot (directly into the still-dazed Ed), and promptly began working the crowd. "Greetings, ladies and guys! I'd like to say what a pleasure it is to be here tonight..."

"It's the middle of the day, dork!" heckled Kevin, with an obnoxious laugh.

Eddy grimaced, and added, "I'd like to, but I can't!" Trying to keep his composure, he went on, "Anyway, I'm here to astound you, surprise you, and stupid-fy you with my prestigious pressy-digi... press-a-digger..." He stumbled slightly over the proper pronunciation of "prestidigitation", then settled with, "Magic!" Unfortunately, Eddy made the mistake of flinging his arms out in a melodramatic fashion just a bit too roughly, causing a deck's worth of playing cards to fall out of his left sleeve, and two rather irritated pigeons to fly out of his right sleeve. 

A burst of laughter from the audience irked Eddy to no end, as one of the pigeons settled on his head and began pecking. Eddy ran around screaming like a maniac as the bird attacked him and the kids laughed, before he managed to chase the pigeon off. Eddy briefly reflected on how much he hated birds before turning back to his audience. With obvious annoyance in his voice, he went on "ANYway, for my first trick..."

"What, you gonna make our loose change disappear?" sniped Sarah from the back row.

Eddy tried to ignore Sarah, as Ed wheeled a large metal bowl filled with a sickly brown glop out onto the stage. "For my FIRST TRICK..." said Eddy, trying to keep his sorely-tested temper, "I will be bound in chains, and attempt an escape, as I am slowly lowered into this giant bowl of..." Turning around and cautiously sticking his finger into the goo, Eddy inquired "Hey, what the heck is this stuff, Ed?"

Ed grinned, and answered, "It's my mom's recipe for cinnamon tapioca pudding! I made it myself."

Should have guessed, Eddy thought, suddenly reluctant to go through with the show. Why should he risk getting dipped headfirst into Ed's home cooking? But the thought of all those quarters was enough to convince him, and he turned to the audience with a forced smile, proclaiming, "Unbelievable, isn't it folks? You're wondering, 'Would he dare risk life and limb in tapioca pudding prepared by a man who puts ketchup on cornflakes?' Well, folks, you're about to find out! Ed," commanded Eddy, "The chains!"

As Ed dragged a length of heavy chain onto the stage, he suddenly dropped it. "Hold the mayo, Eddy! I almost forgot the most important part of the pudding..." Reaching into the unwashed recesses of his jacket, Ed produced a small, slightly mildewy box of what appeared to be shirt buttons. "The raisins!" proclaimed Ed, with his usual vacant grin.

"Ed, those are buttons..." said Edd, in his "attempting to point out the obvious to Ed" voice, but he was summarily ignored, as usual.

"Don't knock it 'til the cows come home, Double-Dee!" said Ed cheerily, and he promptly began sprinkling buttons into the pudding.

Unbeknownst to the blissfully-ignorant Ed, Rolf had been watching with a look of horror on his face when Ed produced the box, and was looking progressively more horrified as Ed had dumped the contents into the giant bowl of pudding.

Kevin, not being one of the more empathic denizens of the cul-de-sac, waved a hand in front of Rolf's face, unaware of the thoughts behind his friend's glazed stare. "Hey, Rolf, what's the deal? One of those chips had too much vinegar on it?"

Rolf turned, grabbed Kevin by the collar, and shook him like a rag doll, hysterically shouting, "Do you not see it, Kevin? Are you so blind by your infomercials and one-named talk show hosts? The buttons have hit the tapioca!"

"Uh... what?" was all Kevin could said.

"The Ed-boys have doomed us all! For the love of pickled herring, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" With that, Rolf tossed Kevin aside and ran screaming in fear for home, plowing through the crowd in the process.

After the smoke cleared, all that could be heard for a while was some pained groans. Then, a bruised and battered Jimmy staggered to his feet, muttered weakly, "Is there a doctor in the house?", and promptly fell down again.

"Uh, what just happened?" said Nazz, with just a hint of irritation in her voice, as she got to her feet and picked wood splinters out of her hair.

"I dunno," said Kevin, once he had also regained his senses, and turned towards the stage with a sour expression on his face, "But I know it's all the dorks' fault!"

"ED, YOU IDIOT!" barked Sarah, shrugging off a pile of broken chairs in her blind fury, which was promptly calmed when she heard Jimmy's feeble cry of "Medic!"

Eddy and his compatriots stood on the stage, Ed and Edd looking like they were in fear for their lives, and Eddy merely looking sheepish. "Um..." Eddy searched his mind frantically for an idea, when one struck him. "For our next trick, my associates and I will... disappear!" With that, Ed slung his friends over each shoulder and, despite Edd's protests of how unsanitary it was and Eddy's protests that Ed forgot the jar they were using to store the proceeds from the magic show, bolted with a cry of, "Get me escape!"

"You can't run forever, dorks!" hollered Kevin.

"After I treat Jimmy, you and your stupid friends are dead meat, Ed!" added Sarah.

"'Disappear'?" said Nazz disapprovingly. "How cliche can ya get?"


	2. Misfortune Kooky

Chapter 2 of "Knock on Ed"  
An _Ed, Edd, 'n' Eddy_ fanfic by Andy Anime

"I don't believe it!" squawked Eddy, after Ed had gotten himself and his friends to the relative safety of Eddy's room. "Not only did we nearly get lynched, but I had to leave behind all that beautiful cash..." A tear almost came to his eye, but decided to stay in hiding when Eddy snapped "Of all the rotten luck!"

"Glad to see you have your priorities in the right order, as usual, Eddy..." replied Edd in his usual post-failed-scam, "I told you so" tone of voice, "But I hardly consider it 'rotten luck' that Rolf apparently regards buttons falling into tapioca pudding to be an ill omen. It was merely an unfortunate coincidence!"

"Same thing, only with more syllables, Double Dee!" retorted Eddy. "Just hope I don't have to fight him in another stupid fish-slapping duel..." He trailed off briefly, before returning to his furor. "Ergh! Sometimes I'd swear we're cursed!"

"Tsk, tsk!" said Ed in a reprimanding tone. "Don't you know it's not polite to swear or curse, Eddy?"

Eddy only grunted in aggravation again, and sarcastically told Ed, "Give it up, Lumpy, you're no good at thinking..."

Edd sighed, and said, as he laid a reassuring hand on Ed's shoulder, "Now Eddy, how is he ever going to learn if he doesn't practice? Ed... what Eddy means is that we have a tendency towards eventual failure in our endeavors. And I can think of countless more likely reasons for **that** than some so-called 'curse'..."

"Spare me the lecture, Sockhead!" snapped Eddy, as he sat on his bed sulking. After some thought, Eddy sat up and said decisively, "Guys, what we need is some good luck!"

"You can't be serious, Eddy!" said Edd, almost utterly incredulous at his friend's atrocious case of selective memory. "Don't you remember the last time we tried to find a four-leaf clover? Goodness knows how I ever got talked into that irrelevant venture, but now I'm utterly convinced that recessive genes do not a good luck charm make. In fact, I'm convinced that any attempt to manipulate the probability of events in an individual's life, for good or for ill, is utterly futile!"

Ed stared blankly, stupified as usual by Edd's use of obscure words with more than two syllables. "Do not back up, severe tire damage!" he suddenly said with a grin.

"Mind running that by us again, Sockhead, in English?" Eddy quipped, just as confused as Ed, and even more annoyed than before.

Edd shook his head with dismay, and went on, "What I'm trying to say, gentlemen (and I use the term loosely, as always), is that there is no such thing as luck!"

Eddy and Ed both stared at Edd, as if he had just said something along the lines of "The sky is green" or "I don't really like jawbreakers that much". Then Eddy let out a derisive laugh. "Yeah, good one, Double-Dee! If there's no luck, then how come our scams almost never pan out?"

"Like I said, Eddy, I've got a modest list of reasons for that. If you'd care me to read you a few selections..." Edd said as he produced a large sheet of paper that unrolled into a list at least five feet long.

"Save it for late night, Letterman!" snapped Eddy, grabbing Edd's list from his hands, rolling it up sloppily, and carelessly tossing it over his shoulder. He tried to think of another argument for his side. "Well, what about Jimmy? How come he's always getting himself hurt?"

Edd smirked, and replied, "Aside from his physical frailty and apparent lack of coordination, paired with the rough-playing tendencies of some of the other kids in the neighborhood? I can't imagine why..."

Eddy stared Edd in the face. "That was sarcasm, wasn't it?" he said accusingly. Then he backed up a bit, and sniped ineffectively, "You think you're so smart, don't you?"

"I am the brains of the outfit, after all..." Edd replied, glad to have outdone Eddy in a battle of wits for once.

Unbeknownst to Edd, Eddy was once again cooking up a scheme in the unwashed back-burner of his brain. "Well, I think the angry mob should have calmed down by now, so why don't we go out and test that theory? Ed?" With a snap of his fingers, Eddy had Edd securely in the clutches of Ed. Edd let out a squeak of fright as he was lifted bodily over the head of Ed, but had time to correct Eddy's poor word usage. "I believe you mean hypothesis..." he said sourly.

"Yeah, whatever, sockhead!" replied Eddy, not really paying attention to Edd. "I'm gonna show you once and for all that bad luck does exist! Then I'm gonna rub it in your face!"

"Well, Eddy, we'll just see how your little experiment goes..." said Edd. "This should be an interesting educational experience in the scientific method for the both of you!"

Making a face upon hearing Edd's favorite word, "educational", (which was one of Eddy's least favorite words, right up there with "refund"), Eddy replied "Boy, Double-Dee, hearing that almost makes me want to forget this whole thing, but why let go of a perfectly good grudge? Let's go, burrhead!" Eddy skipped out the door, with Ed close behind, and Edd almost getting his head struck against the frame of Eddy's back door. "Mind my head, Ed, would you?" reprimanded Edd.

Ed laughed, and vacantly replied, "Albatross!"  
----------  
Edd looked in disbelief at the first challenge Ed and Eddy had placed before him. "A ladder?"

Eddy smirked back, rubbing his hands together. "You better believe it! Everyone knows it's bad luck to walk under a ladder! So, if you're so convinced there's no such thing as bad luck, just stroll this way, smart guy..."

"Come on down, Double-Dee!" seconded Ed. "You're the next contestant on..." Eddy promptly shut Ed up with an elbow to the gut.

Edd turned his gaze back to the aluminum step ladder set up before him. "Honestly, I don't know where people come up with this stuff!" As he strolled underneath the ladder, Edd went on, "The only possible way misfortune could befall you from walking under a ladder is if something placed atop the ladder was accidentally or intentionally dropped on you, and I'm noticing a conspicuous absence of heavy objects atop **this** particular... yoop!" Here he was cut off with a yell as he tripped over a small rock, heretofore unnoticed, and fell flat on his face.

As he lifted his face from the turf, Edd heard a chorus of barely contained snickering and guffaws from the direction of Ed and Eddy. "What'd I tell ya, sockhead?" said Eddy. "Bad luck already!"

Edd glowered at his like-named friend, and came back with "A single mishap is not the same as 'bad luck', Eddy... that could have... ack!" Again he tripped over a rock, the very same one as before. Ignoring his friends' laughter, which had progressed to full-grown chortles by this point, Edd continued, "As I was saying, that could have happened to... agh!" Again, Edd was flat on his face, having tripped over another rock not too far from the first one. "...Anyone..." he managed to finish, weakly.

"But it didn't! It happened to **you**!" retorted Eddy, dissolving into helpless laughter.

"Once, twice, three times a lady, yet!" seconded Ed, with a snicker and a snort.

"I remain unconvinced, Eddy," stated Edd, picking himself up off the ground, and dusting himself off. Ignoring the fact that his shirt was covered in grass stains, he said, "Perhaps more testing is required?"

"You're testin' my patience, Einstein..." grumbled Eddy. Truth be told, he was, maybe, possibly, made just slightly nervous at how suddenly Edd's bad luck had set in, but was able to shake it off at the thought of Edd mangling himself some more in the interests of 'science'. "But if you say so..."

"Follow the yellow brick road!" said Ed, as he dragged Edd bodily to the next 'test'.  
----------  
Edd grimaced. Ed's basement seemed to be getting progressively messier and more disorganized every time he saw it. His inner neat freak was practically begging for relief from the mucky, mildewy confines of what passed for Ed's bedroom. But here he stood, waiting and watching as Ed risked life and limb in the horrid pit of clutter that was his closet. Its confines were almost as anathema to Eddy as they were to Edd, with its piles of unwashed clothes, half-eaten foodstuffs lost under bizarre molds and fungi, some of which Edd was almost certain had never been catalogued by man...

Suddenly, Edd's train of thought "Get the lead out, Lumpy! There's gotta be one in that morass somewhere!" snapped Eddy, whose thin patience was growing thinner by the minute.

"Morass, Eddy?" said Edd, with just a hint of snideness. "Good to see you're expanding your vocabulary. You even managed to pronounce it correctly!"

"Stuff it Sockhead, I..." began Eddy, but he was cut off by Ed.

"Behold!" said Ed, brandishing what appeared to be a worn-out old umbrella. "Look upon my works, ye minty, and disparage!" he added, melodramatically swinging the umbrella about like a sword.

Edd promptly interrupted Ed before he could butcher Shelley's 'Ozymandias' any further. "Let me guess: you wish me to open that rusted apparatus you call an umbrella indoors and see if any further misfortune befalls me?"

"Boy Double-Dee" said Eddy, dripping with sarcasm, "you really are a genius." Taking the umbrella from Ed, he shoved it in front of Edd's face, waving it enticingly. "Come on, go for it! You know you want to..."

Edd let out an annoyed groan, and took the umbrella from Eddy. "I only 'want to', in order to... erf!" He grunted with effort as he tried to open the rusty umbrella. "...in order to show you the futility of trying to... ergh... improve one's 'luck'... argh!"

"Need a little help there, Mr. Macho?" said Eddy sarcastically.

Panting with exertion, Edd shot an annoyed glance at Eddy. "In case you've forgotten, Eddy, it is I that must open the umbrella?" Returning to his efforts, he added, "Besides, while my reputation... urf... as an unathletic individual is well-deserved... ergh... I think even Ed would be hard-pressed to open..." Suddenly, with a sound somewhere between a pop and a snap, the umbrella flung open, releasing a few clouds of dust. Edd gasped for air, stumbling over a petrified sweater and landing on his back in a pile of sweatsocks. As Edd's senses cleared, he realized what he was in contact with. "Ed's... dirty... laundry..." he murmured. Then, with a shriek of terror, he jumped to his feet and ran for the door, screaming "Soap! I need soap!", still clutching the old umbrella. That soon proved to be a mistake, as the edges of the umbrella caught on the door frame, and Edd was once again flung to the ground as he lost his grip on the umbrella and inertia did its work.

Eddy and Ed watched Edd lying helplessly, Ed staring dumbfounded and Eddy laughing uncontrollably. "The force is not with you, Double Dee," Ed stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh, man!" said Eddy, doubling up at the sight of the prone Edd, "I've never seen you spazzed out this much, Double-Dee! If that ain't bad luck, I don't know what is!"

Edd was about to reprimand Eddy, but before he could utter a word, there was an ominous series of thumps, as if a small angry person was running down the stairs, and the door to the basement flung open to reveal a very irritated Sarah. "ED!" she bellowed as she stomped down the staircase towards the severely frightened Ed. "You and your idiot friends had better keep it down, or I'll...!" Suddenly noticing Edd, still on the floor, she looked delighted. "Oh, Double-Dee!" she said, voice full of mock-concern. "Are you alright?"

"Well, to tell the truth, I think I'll be..." said Edd, but he was interrupted yet again by Sarah.

"You look like you just took a bad spill!" she said, grabbing Edd by the hand. "Well, don't worry! Jimmy's leg is doing fine, so now I have time to look after you too! Let's go play Doctor!" Before Edd could protest, she dragged him up the stairs and slammed the door behind her.

Ed looked on in shock. "Sarah? Playing with Double-Dee?" he said, voice filling with horror. "Oh, the huge mannequin!" he finally said, clutching his head in despair.

Eddy just shrugged. "Tell me about it. I told him there was such a thing as bad luck... come on, let's go wait upstairs for Queen Brat the First to finish with her latest plaything..."

But as Eddy headed for the stairs, Eddy found himself grabbed and hoisted bodily over Ed's head. "We must liberate our comrade!" yelled Ed, dashing up the stairs. "Don't worry, Double-Dee, we're on a mission from Bob!"

"Whatever, Ed..." said Eddy, hoping that Ed was in for more pain than himself.  
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Boy, that ran a bit longer than the last chapter... Sorry for the delay folks, but I was debating for a while whether or not to end it here. The hijinks will continue as Edd's luck gets worse before it gets better in Part 3: The Curse Gets Worse, (hopefully) coming soon! 


	3. The Curse Gets Worse

Chapter 3 of "Knock on Ed"  
An _Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy_ fanfic by Andy Anime

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**Again, I'd like to apologize for the long-overdue update, in advance this time. Thanks for all the feedback, both positive and critical. Anyway, let's check up on everyone's favorite Ed-Boys...

If Edd hadn't been in bad shape after falling over in Ed's basement, he most certainly was after Sarah had dragged him up two flights of stairs by his ankles. He was seriously beginning to rethink his position on the whole "luck" thing... But then he realized that Sarah was opening the door to her room. "Let me just get you set up," she said, "Then I'll change into my scrubs and we can run some of those nifty diagnostic test thingies! Won't that be neat?" Sarah said rhetorically, giving a manic grin that caused Edd to cringe.

"Um, well, I..." Edd said, still aching from the long journey up the stairs, when he heard what sounded like a stampede of panicky elephants, but realized it was just Ed and Eddy. His relief was short-lived, however, as Ed and Eddy each grabbed an arm and tried to wrench him from the grip of Sarah.

"Hey, let go of my patient!" Sarah snapped, yanking harder on Edd' s ankles in retaliation. Edd could almost feel his vertebrae being pulled apart.

"We saw him first, pipsqueak!" Eddy replied brusquely, as he and Ed tugged at Edd's arms, nearly dislocating his shoulders.

"Yeah? Well I saw him second, and two's a bigger number!" Sarah retorted, giving another pull and causing Edd to yelp in pain.

Ed grimaced mornfully, and pleaded with his tempermental kid sister, "Please spare him, Beloved and Tolerated Giver of Unpleasantness! For the love of humidity!"

"Forget it, Ed!" snapped Sarah, yanking hard. Edd let out another pained squawk, and managed to gasp, "I think... those were my knees..."

Realizing they were getting nowhere, Eddy nudged Ed, and the two of them let go just as Sarah started yanking again. She stumbled backwards, and Edd flew like a rubber band, albiet a geeky-looking, screaming rubber band, into Sarah's room. Sarah got back to her feet and grabbed Ed by the collar. "Ed! Tell your stupid friend to let me and Double-Dee play in peace, or I'll shove your feet so far up your nose they'll come out your ears!" For good measure, she added "And then I'll tell Mom who tried to grease Dad's lawnmower with tomato paste!"

Ed was promptly cowed, as always, by Sarah's threatened one-two punch of physical violence and blackmail, and let out a feeble squeak. Eddy was less easily intimidated, if only because of sheer bullheadedness. He shoved the stunned Ed out of the way and bellowed at Sarah, "You don't scare me, Twerpzilla! Now fork over Double-Dee or suffer the consequences!"

"Make me!" Sarah snapped back, staring Eddy in the eyes, neither flinching or giving ground. Edd, in the meantime, had regained conciousness, and saw the precarious situation at hand. Realizing better than Eddy that Sarah was sure to come out on top in a physical confrontation, Edd managed to get to his feet and stagger forward. "N-now now, ladies and gentlemen..." he stammered, still reeling with pain from the earlier unsolicited session of amateur chiropractics, "I'm sure we can come to a peaceable agree..." 

Here he was cut short by the distinctive sound of tinkling glass. "...ment..." He finished lamely, appending an "Oh my..." as he looked at the others. Eddy and Ed flinched at the sound, and began backing out of the room slowly, while Sarah glared at Edd with a mix of shock and despair on her face. Almost afraid of what he might see, Edd looked down in horror as he saw where he'd put his foot: right on top of a hand mirror that had been left on the floor. An obvious fracture ran through the glass, but Edd's mind stubbornly pushed aside any superstitious undertones in an effort to devote its full capacities to dealing with the more immediate danger of having damaged Sarah's personal property.

"Um, Sarah," he began, sweating bullets, "my sincerest and most heartfelt apologies, I'll gladly pay to replace..."

But before Edd could get another word out, Sarah slammed the door in Ed and Eddy's faces, her despair turning to rage as she grabbed Edd by the shirt collar and half-throttled him. "Double-Dee, you KLUTZ! Do you have ANY idea how LONG I had to save my allowance to BUY that mirror?!" she bellowed in his face, forcing him to quite literally hold on to his hat.

Edd's only reply was, "You're going to hurt me now, aren't you?"

Sarah grinned evilly, and drew her fist back, nodding in affirmation. Edd felt, before the first blow left him too stunned to allow coherent thought, he should be relieved, as any bad luck the broken mirror would cause him would be over more quickly the sooner it started.  
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Ed and Eddy grimaced and flinched as they heard the sounds of Sarah beating the ever-loving snot out of Edd, and Edd's pained screams. After what seemed like hours, the door to Sarah's room opened a crack, enough to allow Edd to be flung out bodily. As it slammed shut again, Edd hit the stairs, tumbled down them, and collided with an end table, which caused a precariously-balanced brass planter to fall over and hit him in the head.

Ed scrambled down the stairs, Eddy hot on his heels, and rushed to Edd's side. "Double-Dee?" he said, voice full of concern. "Speak to me, little buddy! Say something!"

An obviously dazed Edd tried to shake his head clear, but was just able to incoherently mumble "Hagnash... fanurf... fhqwhgads..."

This seemed to cheer Ed up a bit. He grabbed the prone Edd and held him before Eddy proudly. "I think he's gonna make it, Eddy! He's still using big words that I do not understand!"

Sounds more like Rolf that Double-Dee to me, thought Eddy. Shaking Double-Dee into full conciousness, an annoyed look on his face, he barked, "Way to go, sockhead! No thanks to you, Sarah's mad at us for the second time today, and Ed's probably gonna get grounded again, all 'cause you had to go and get yourself jinxed!"

With a grunt of annoyance, Edd made one last-ditch effort to stand his ground. "Eddy, I told you, there's..." But before he could get started in earnest, he realized he was making the grevious mistake of emulating Eddy's stubborness, and gave a defeated sigh. "Oh, who am I kidding?" he rambled, "The events of the day have definitely gone beyond the realms of coincidence! Curse my unthinking skepticism... what was I thinking? Science is a dynamic art, not static! New discoveries are made, old discoveries are discarded or adapted, and here I am adamantly believing that superstitions of old had no place in..."

"That's our Double-Dee!" Ed interrupted cheerfully. "I can't understand a thing he says, and I wouldn't have it any other way!"

Eddy gave Ed a look, and mumbled half-heartedly "Yeah, whatever Ed." Before Edd could get started again, he added snappishly, "Enough goofing around with dramatic monologues and stuff! We gotta find a way to fix Sockhead's bad luck!"

"I know what we can do, Eddy!" said Ed helpfully. "We can take Edd back to my place and perform the Great Exorcism of the Five Chartreuse Oysters, like in _Baron Samedi's Voodoo Clam Bake_! We just need some candles, a beach towel, a really big knife, and lotsa tartar sauce!" Ed hopped from one foot to another excitedly, as he prattled on, "Oh, and me and you can dress up like the High Priest and Priestess and do the Samba of the Apocalypse under the stars!"

Eddy stared incredulously at Ed, and made a face. "I told ya, Lumpy, I ain't that kinda guy! Get with the program!"

"Um, may I interject here?" piped Edd, who was growing tired of being held up by Ed. "Perhaps if insipid rituals that cause bad luck worked, what we need are insipid rituals that cause good luck?"

Eddy grinned, and said "Double-Dee, you amaze me yet again! Let's move 'em out, Lumpy!"

"Where we going, Eddy?" Ed asked as he hefted Edd over his shoulder again, accidentally causing his toque-topped compatriot to bang his head against the wall.

"Back to my place, Ed!" Eddy explained, "We need some heavy ammo in the war on Double-Dee's unlucky streak!"

That has to be the worst metaphor I've ever heard, Edd thought, trying to ignore the stabbing pain in his cranium.  
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Without further incident (outside of Edd banging his head a few more times), the Eds were back at Eddy's house. This time they were up in the clutter of Eddy's attic, where Eddy was searching through various trunks and boxes.

"And what exactly are we looking for up here, Eddy?" Edd asked. "Don't tell me your parents..."

Eddy interrupted by putting a hand up to Edd's face, which Edd promptly ran into, causing him to fall over into a pile of boxes. "Nah, they ain't Mom and Dad's! I know I put 'em... a-ha!" With a smug expression, Eddy suddenly produced with a flourish an old shoe box marked "Good Luck (Emergencies Only!)", holding it triumphantly over his head. "My brother's secret supply of good luck charms! For situations like these..."

Ed was distracted from his rummaging through a collection of records (one of which he was wearing as a hat) and goggled in amazement. "Ooh, let me see! Your brother has such cool stuff, Eddy! Does he have any eye of newt, or maybe a toenail clipping from a lounge singer!"

Ed reached for the box, but Eddy nimbly ducked out of his way and brought the box over to Edd, who was just getting to his feet. "Get real, burrhead, this stuff's for Double-Dee!" Handing it to Edd, Eddy smirked, "Go wild, sockhead!"

Incredulous, Edd opened the box, pulling out the various items one by one. First came a dried out four-leaf clover, which fell apart as Edd held it up between his fingers. Then came a mildewed and obviously synthetic rabbit's foot keychain, that only gave Edd a painful scratch from one of its plastic claws as he turned it over in his hands. Wincing from the pain, Edd next produced a rusty horseshoe, which almost promptly slipped out of his grip and landed on his foot. Ignoring the pain as stoically as he could, Edd gasped, "I think maybe your brother's lucky charms are a bit... antiquated..."

Eddy, far less patient that Edd, grimaced in annoyance. "Still unlucky? What a gyp! My bro said these charms worked like a... well, charm!"

"Well," said Edd, after finally thinking to remove the horseshoe from his foot, "Your brother is reportedly a 'whiz' at messing with your head... maybe there's some other method?"

"Oh, oh, I know, I know!" Ed shouted eagerly, waving a finger in the air that nearly poked Edd's eye out as it was raised. "For real this time, guaranteed to work or your money back!"

Eddy rolled his eyes, "Alright, Ed, I'll bite... what is it?"  
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Later, at the playground, as the final preperations were made for Ed's "cure", Eddy grinned. Even if this didn't work, he thought, it was definetly worth the laughs.

"Here, hold this!" Ed said as he balanced a potted plant in Edd's outstretched palm. Between that, the broom balanced handle-first in Edd's other hand, the assorted silverware Edd was holding between his teeth, and the bucket of whipped cream balanced atop his head, it was a wonder the Eds' most uncoordinated member could stand up, let alone stand on one foot balanced atop a cinder block.

Ed stepped back to admire his handiwork, and gave a satisfied smile. "A true masterpiece," he boasted with a nod, "with a stunning h'ors d'oeurve and a style that captures the gallbladder!"

Edd would have said "That's really something I'd expect Eddy to say," but he was busy trying to whistle "Red River Valley" through his nose at Ed's instruction. He was also having the sneaking suspicion that this "cure" was the end-product of one of Ed's flights of fancy.

Eddy, who was harboring similar thoughts, decided to voice them. "You sure this is gonna work, Ed?" he asked semi-rhetorically.

Ed smirked at his Doubting Thomas friend, and said "Do pigs fly? I saw a guy do something like this on TV for five minutes, and his lucked improved expositionally! He even won a trip to Bermuda!"

"TV, Ed?" said Eddy, in a tone that made it clear his skepticism was skyrocketing. Stifling a guffaw, he asked, "That wouldn't have happened to have been on 'Real Imitation Ultimate Premiere Elimination Challenge', would it?"

He winced as Ed gave him a playful poke on the forehead. "Right on the monkey, Eddy! You're really on the ball today, mister."

Edd gave a groan of annoyance, and spat out the various forks and spoons in his mouth. "Ex-CUSE me?!" he shouted in an uncharacteristically snappish tone. "You mean to tell me I've been wasting my time with this insipid balancing act because of Ed's undue obsession with reality TV?! This is an outrage! I..." Edd was cut off with a yelp as he lost both his focus and his balance, and tumbled to the ground, where everything he had still been holding somehow landed on him one by one. "There's only one way this day could possibly get any worse..." he muttered, when that "one way" happened.

"Hey, Double-Dreamboat!" bellowed a gravelly, but still female, voice, as the beehive-topped visage of Lee Kanker entered his field of vision. "You dropped the silverware!"

"Looks like you've got company!" added May, who joined her sister in obscuring Edd's view, as did Marie Kanker.

"You don't look so good, Sweet-Meat!" said Marie with a giggle. "Looks like you need some lovin', in fact!"

As the Kankers started making kissy-faces, Edd let out a scream of horror and managed to crawl away and get to his feet. "KANKERS!" he squawked deleriously. "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" But he saw that Ed and Eddy had already had the same idea, and were already making their way out of the park. He promptly made an effort to catch up, the lovesick sisters hot on his heels.

"You can run, but you can't get away, lover-boy!" shouted Lee tauntingly as she and her sisters chased Edd. As adrenaline-fueld and full of blind terror as he was, Edd was making a surprisingly good turn of speed, and might have gotten away under normal circumstances.

But, horror of horrors, he tripped over the very same rock he'd repeatedly tripped over before, during the Eds' earlier experiment with walking under a ladder! Right before he blacked out from pure fear mingled with a minor concussion, the Kankers pounced upon him and dragged him off bodily for a little full-contact tonsil hockey.  
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Ed and Eddy, meanwhile, hadn't stopped running until they got back to Eddy's house and were hiding beneath Eddy's bed. After about ten or fifteen minutes of that, Ed came to a realization.

"Eddy," gasped Ed, as he struggled to recover his breath, "we forgot Double-Dee! Surely the Kankers are visiting unspeakable horrors upon our chapless comrade in arms!" he wailed melodramatically.

"That's his problem!" snapped Eddy. "Those banshees'll throw him back when they're done toying with him, hopefully..." Trying not to sound too concerned, he added, "We should be so lucky..." under his breath, when there came a knock at the back door. A surprisingly musical and whimsical knock...

Ed and Eddy crawled out from beneath Eddy's bed, and Eddy peeked out through a crack in the door, when who of all people should step in but Johnny, with a shout of "Hey Eddy! Did you drop this?" With that, he brusquely sauntered in, his constant compatriot Plank held in one hand, and a bedraggled Edd trailing behind him as the other gripped his shirt collar.

"Double-Dee!" Ed shouted in delight, as he grabbed the wayward member of the Ed-trio from Johnny's grip and gave him a big hug. "You are the wind beneath my drumsticks, Johnny!" he said by way of thanks.

"Save yer thanks for Plank, Ed!" said Johnny modestly, holding up the grinning piece of wood. "He's the one who lead me to Double-Dee... we found him huddled in the alleyway, muttering something about lip gloss... ain't he weird?"

It didn't take much more than close contact with Ed's underwashed body to bring Edd back to consciousness. Bringing him to his senses was another matter, as Edd promptly began babbling, with only a trace of coherence, "Kankers... everywhere... oh, the horror! The gross violations of personal space and dating etiquette! The..." Realizing he was still too close to Ed for comfort, he broke off by asking, "Ed, would you mind releasing me?"

Ed obeyed, and Edd went on as he dropped to his feet, "This is madness! I can't even go outdoors without the risk of grevious bodily harm! Gentlemen, our little foray into the realms of fortune has gone horribly astray!"

Eddy flinched, as he had an idea of where this was leading. "My only chance," Edd continued, "is to hide out here and hope nothing fatal strikes me!"

That did it. "Forget it, Sockhead!" snapped Eddy. "You ain't sleeping over here again, not after the last time we played 'roommates'! Go hide out in your own darn room!"

Johnny just sat back with Plank and watched the banter. "This is better than watching Mom's soaps, huh buddy?" he rhetorically asked of his compatriot. Nodding at the unheard response, Johnny added "You said it! All we need now is for one of them to turn out to be the other's long lost twin or somethin'!"

"But Eddy," gasped Edd, paranoia filling his voice, "Think of the dangers that could be lurking! Sidewalk cracks that could do irreperable harm to Mother's lumbar vertebrae! Black cats ready to cross my path at a moment's notice! Salt to be spilled, ladybugs to be squashed, beds to get out of the wrong side on! The forces of Murphy's Law are out there, I tell you, planning their next strike as we speak!"

Edd would have continued, had Ed not grabbed him by the shoulders and shaken some sense into him. "Hold your mustard, Double-Dee! We will protect you from those forces of bad luck, even if that Murphy guy does send his lawyers!"

"I appreciate your attempts to reassure me, Eddy," said Edd morosely, "But I'm afraid my bad luck is here to stay for the duration..."

"Did you say bad luck, Edd?" said Johnny, sticking his face in Edd's. "Plank and I know the perfect cure!"

"Cure?" said Edd, breaking into a forced grin that bordered on a rictus. "Do tell..."

Holding up Plank before Edd's face, Johnny stated, "Just knock on wood! Plank says 'Gimme your best shot!'"

"Well, I've tried everything else," Edd said to himself, and he rapped lightly on the proffered Plank, only to get a nasty splinter in his knucle.

"Wow, now that's what I call bad luck!" Johnny said matter of factly as Edd began running around the room yelling his head off. "Have you tried a four-leaf clover?"

"Yep," replied Eddy flatly.

"How 'bout a rabbit's foot?"

"Tried it," came the reply from Eddy.

"A horseshoe?"

"Tried it."

"How 'bout standing on one foot atop a cinder block with a bucket of whipped cream on your head while balancing a broom in one hand and a potted plant in the other, and holding silverware between your teeth while whistling cowboy songs through your nose?" (How oddly specific, thought Edd, between pained screams.)

"That one was mine!" said Ed proudly. "But it didn't work either," he added sadly.

Johnny scratched his crew-cut head thoughtfully, and shrugged. "Sorry, I'm fresh out! Only other thing I can think of is Rolf."

"Rolf?" said Edd, who had finally calmed down enough to get the splinter out.

"Rolf?!" said Eddy, not enjoying the thought of seeing the weirdest guy in the neighborhood again, especially after freaking him out earlier.

"Rolf!" shouted Ed with glee. "That's the best idea since sliced bread! He's got all sorts of cool home remedies for zits and stuff!"

"You read my mind, Ed!" said Johnny with a laugh. "If Rolf can't get rid of Double-Dee's bad luck, no one can!"

I'm desperate, thought Edd, but am I that desperate? "Well, I suppose there's no alternative..."

Eddy, on the other hand, was warming up to the idea rapidly. At first he could only remember what he'd gone through the last time he went to Rolf for one of his old home remedies. But the thought of Edd going through roughly the same thing was too much to resist. Grabbing Ed and Edd by their respective arms, he practically dragged them off with him, shoving Johnny out the door on the way. "So, what are we waiting for? Let's go pay a visit to everyone's favorite token foreigner!" Punting Johnny into the bushes, Eddy added rudely, "Except you, fathead, you've served your purpose. Now go hug a tree or something..." as he and his friends sauntered off.

Johnny scowled after Eddy, and said to Plank, "Geez, buddy, you try to help somebody and they drop-kick you into a shrub! How do you like that?" Trying to put it behind him, he added with a chuckle, "No offense, of course! Let's go find some bugs to stare at!"  
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(Whew, another long one! And maybe a bit rushed in places, I admit... but I ran out of ideas for good luck rituals. Well, thanks again for all your responses, and your patience! Coming soon, with any luck, is the aptly-named grand finale, Part 4: "Worse Than The Disease?") 


	4. Worse Than The Disease?

Chapter 4 of "Knock On Ed"  
An _Ed, Edd, 'n' Eddy_ fanfic by Andy Anime

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Yes folks, it's here at last, the gosh-darned grand finale to my first ever fanfic on Thanks for all your patience, your comments and reviews, and your readership. Now, on with the show...

Before long, Edd was quivering in front of Rolf's doorstep, while his friends hid in the bushes. Edd had insisted on this, realizing that Rolf would be suspicious if all three Eds showed up on his doorstep unannounced, but he was beginning to regret that decision. Still, hand quivering, he reached out and grabbed the knocker, letting it strike once, then again.

The door opened, and Edd was greeted with the familiar sight of Rolf. His visage promptly soured when he saw Edd, though. "Oh, hello, Smarty-Pants Ed-boy," he said with barely concealed distaste. "What brings you to the home of Rolf?"

"Well," began Edd, not quite sure how to put it. "You see, Rolf, I..."

Rolf put his hand up, palm facing Edd's face in the near-universal sign of "Shut up!", and inquired, in a more amiable tone, "Wait, let me guess... perhaps you would like to borrow a cup of sugar in order to make a Anniversary of Birth cake for your mother?"

"Um, actually..." Edd tried to reply, but Rolf interrupted again.

"Or maybe you and your know-nothing associates wish to procure the services of one of Rolf's animals for your questionable activities?" snapped Rolf, anger rising in his voice.

"Oh, not at all!" Edd said nervously. "Actually, I..."

"Or perhaps," growled Rolf, his voice slowly climbing to a bellow that knocked Edd off balance, "you have come to apologize for GIVING ROLF THE SCREAMING YELLOW ZONKERS with the false curse of the tapioca!"

As Edd staggered to his feet with a confused mumble of "Buh?", Rolf continued, "Do you realize Rolf has wasted half the afternoon safeguarding his livestock from the curse before recalling it is the square button that provokes the wrath of the pudding?! Your plot was as flawed as the smell of Nana's footwear is pungent!"

"Um, I do apologize for our earlier gaffe, Rolf..." said Edd, "But I must confess my original business here was personal. I require your assistance in, um, how shall I put this..."

Crossing his arms, Rolf stared Edd down. "Yes? Go on, Ed-boy..." he said sourly, "This had better be good, or Rolf shall eject you from his doorstep with the wrath of a hundred flea-ridden weasels!"

The baleful gaze Rolf gave him was more than Edd could stand. Knees buckling, Edd automatically assumed the grovelling position, wrapping his arms around Rolf's legs and blurting "My fortunes have taken a turn for the worse that defies description! A series of attempts at verifying the efficacy of superstitions has gone horribly wrong, and the previous attempts of me and my comrades in rectifying this dilemma have proved futile! Your expertise in absurd and archaic superstition is all that stands between myself and a lifetime of bad luck! For the love of humanity, Rolf, you HAVE to help me!!"

As Edd squeezed, Rolf suddenly lost his balance, pitching forward, and taking Edd with him as he rolled across the front yard and crashed into the mail-box, Edd taking the brunt of the impact as he slammed up against the post the box was mounted on. Rolf quickly recovered from the incident, and after working his way around Edd's expansive vocabulary, he said "So, you require Rolf's assistance in un-missing your misfortune, yes?"

Edd nodded weakly, and Rolf slipped out of Edd's iron grip on his ankles. "You certainly appear to be in possesion of more than one left foot, Ed-boy, more so than usual. And for a city slicker like yourself to seek the help of Rolf so obsequeously, you must truly be up a tree without a paddle to stand on! If it will silence your melodrama, I shall comply." Picking Edd up by the scruff of his neck, he carried him into the house. As soon as the door slammed shut, Ed and Eddy emerged from the bushes.

Obviously disappointed, Eddy whined "Aw, man! We didn't even get a chance to slip in! C'mon, Lumpy, I wouldn't miss this for the world!"

As Eddy creeped around the back, Ed lumbered along behind, replying "You'd have to be a pretty lousy shot to miss the whole world, Eddy!"

"Shut up, Ed."  
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Rolf deposited Edd in a chair, the plastic covering crackling loudly, and instructed him, "Wait here, Ed-boy of the Two-Dees, and touch nothing! Rolf must prepare!" He left Edd waiting in nervous anticipation, twiddling his thumbs and idly staring at the knick-knacks on Rolf's fireplace mantle, wondering what sort of preparations Rolf was making...

As he was trying to read the inscription on the base of a ceramic trout, he heard a mixture of footsteps and jingling, and turned to see Rolf enter the room. He had removed his shirt, and wore on his head one of the most preposterous head-dresses Edd had ever seen. The sharp-nosed mask made Rolf look like a hideously mutated hybrid of a crane and an owl, a mess of what appeared to be rainbow-colored porcupine quills stuck out from the top like a forest, and down Rolf's neck and back ran a sickly green cape that appeared to be made out of fish scales. Around his neck he wore an unsightly gold medallion inscribed with some unintelligible, vaguely Slavic phrase, and decorated with a picture of an eel wrapped around a larch tree. Edd was so taken aback by Rolf's sudden (and preposterous) appearance, that he fell over backwards in his chair and found himself flat against the wall.

"Prepare yourself, Worm of the Book Ed-boy!" bellowed Rolf in a solemn tone. "The time of reckoning approaches with the speed of a frightened sheep! Follow me, if you would..." Turning about sharply, Rolf lead the slightly bewildered Edd out the back door. Much to Edd's surprise, a winding pathway had been laid out, indicated by a chalk border, that lead to Rolf's shed. Stepping gingerly along it, he proceeded to trip over every rock along the path, in addition to the wandering Victor and Wilfred, as he followed Rolf, eventually staggering to a landing at Rolf's feet. Weakly, he asked "Pardon my lack of understanding, Rolf, but might I inquire as to whether that exercise had any practical point?"

Rolf nodded solemnly, stating "You have been tried and found wanting in the luck department, Petitioner of the Spirits! Truly you are in need of aid." Placing a necklace made from dental floss, bay leaves, and sheep knuckles around Edd's neck, Rolf beckoned him into the shed. "Come, let us begin the next step of your journey out of the Land of Jinx!"

Edd got to his feet, and followed Rolf into the shed, which was lit with candles. Meanwhile, Ed and Eddy watched, through a pair of binoculars, from the roof of Rolf's domicile. "Man," chortled Eddy, barely containing himself, "did you see Rolf's get-up? What a screwball! He looks like he lost a fight with a costume shop!"

"Aw, c'mon, Eddy!" replied Ed, head shaking at his friend's lack of trivial knowledge. "Don't you know a replica of the Watsituya Chief's costume from _I Was A Teenage Shaman_ when you see one? You are so clueless..."

Eddy grimaced at his friend's barb, and lamely retorted "Takes one to know one, Lumpy..." He went back to peering through his side of the binoculars, to get a better look at the proceedings.  
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In no time at all, Edd found himself seated yet again, this time in a chair made from an old pickle barrel decorated with ominous-looking runes. He cringed as Rolf let out an animalistic howl, and began doing some sort of bizzare ritualistic dance, accompanied by indecipherable shouting and chanting in a guttural, primeval tongue that sounded like it was barely a step up from the first spoken language used by man in the days of prehistory. Edd wavered uncertainly, in rhythm to the crude melody Rolf was drumming out with his stomping feet and the loudly-colored gourd rattles he was shaking. It was almost hypnotic, and he felt himself going into a trance... shortly before Rolf let off with a shout that sounded something ike "Hwayarghphf!", only more painful, slammed a rusty, upside-down bucket onto Edd's head like a hat, and pulled him to his feet.

"Together now, Ed-boy!" shouted Rolf, and he began leading the hapless Edd in a reiteration of the odd song-and-dance ritual. Edd did his best to follow the steps, but succeeded only in allowing Rolf to step on his toes repeatedly. As the second session of dance steps ceased, Edd yelped as Rolf lifted him into the air with his bare hands.

"Servants of Fortune!" Rolf said in a solemn tone, holding Edd lengthwise in the air, as if he were some ancient weapon and Rolf was a warrior petitioning the gods of war for victory in battle, "Hear my plea! Curb your fury upon this simple know-it-all, and cease in bringing misfortune upon his ever-hatted head! Hyah!" With that cry, Edd found himself plunged headfirst into a nearby vat of pickled herring. Surfacing with a gurgle, Edd sputtered for air as Rolf hefted the barrel and carted it outside. After getting the brim of his hat out of his eyes, Edd spotted his two compatriots spying on the proceedings from the roof of Rolf home. "Ed? Eddy?"

Rolf looked up, and, much to the surprise of all three Eds, grinned. "Ah, for once your meticulous timing works to the advantage of all, remaining two-thirds of the Ed boys! Rolf requires your assistance in de-cursing your Doubting Olaf friend here!"

"Er, right," said Eddy as he nervously lowered himself to the ground, Ed descending from the roof by falling off head first. "Whatever you say, Stretch!"

"What's the plan of attack, General?" asked Ed, giving a salute.

Rolf simply gestured to follow him, as he loaded the barrel full of herring and Edd onto a cart. Before Ed and Eddy could react, Rolf tackled them, and somewhat forcibly yoked them to the cart. "Uh, Rolf, this horse collar's a bit snug..." said Ed. "You got one in a size eleventeen?"

Eddy was somewhat louder in his protests, as always. "What's the deal here, Rolf?" he griped, struggling with his collar. "Do I look like a Clydesdale to you?"

"No time to protest, Frog-mouth Ed-boy!" said Rolf, as he doffed his mask and cape and mounted the cart. "To the creek at once! Come on now!" Snapping a whip for emphasis, Rolf managed to get both Eds up and running, towing the cart into the street and down the lane. Well, to be more accurate, Ed did most of the running, while Eddy struggled to keep up with Ed and out from under the cart wheels.

"The creek?" said Edd, nervously. "I'm afraid to ask..."

"No back-barrel drivers, Ed-boy!" snapped Rolf. "It is no hair off Rolf's back if you wish to be a jinx for all time!"

Being so abruptly reminded of what little choice he had, Edd promptly quieted down, and hoped Rolf knew what he was doing.  
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The Ed-drawn cart lumbered down the lane, quickly picking up speed thanks to the efforts of Ed. It was all Eddy could do to keep up as Rolf sharply drove them into the alley, and eventually into the woods.

"Faster, Ed-boys!" barked Rolf, snapping his whip. Ed obediently picked up the pace, muttering under his breath "Mush, mush, mush...", and Eddy found himself quickly pulled under the cart and dragged along behind, screaming like a maniac. Edd clung nervously to the sides of the barrel, which wobbled precariously as the cart thundered along, threatening to fall off at every jolt.

"Um, Rolf..." he ventured to ask, but before he could speak any further, the creek came into view, and Rolf yanked back on the reins. Ed immediately ground to a halt, Eddy being caught between the cart and Ed as they both stopped, and intertia pitching Edd and his barrel of pickled herring into the creek.

Quicker than a caffeinated grasshopper, Rolf sprang from the back of the cart, and lifted up the sputtering Edd as he rose from the creek, only to dunk him a few more times. Pulling Edd's foot to his ear, Rolf listened intently, then smiled cheerfully. "The curse is broken, Ed-boys! Your oddly-capped compatriot is back to a semblance of normal!" With that, Rolf tossed Edd, where he flopped like a beached fish before coming to his senses.

"I'm... cured?" stammered Edd. "Oh, thank you Rolf!" Edd grabbed Rolf in a big hug, causing some visible discomfort to the son of a shepherd.

Watching the unexpected display of affection from Edd, Eddy quipped "Geez, Ed that's something I'd expect from you."

"Nah, we've done that joke before, Eddy," said Ed, before moving to pull Edd off Rolf. "Well, I hope your learned your lesson, Mr. Are-My-Pants-Ever-Smart!" said Ed in a chiding tone.

Embarassed, Edd nodded, "I certainly have, Ed. And in light of these events, I'd like to offer a long-overdue apology to Eddy for the whole 'cursed phone' incident a while back..."

It's about time, thought Eddy. You'd think a stampede of hippos in the middle of suburbia would convince him there was something up with Rolf's old phone! Pushing these thoughts aside, Eddy gave Edd a shove and said "Yeah, enough warm fuzzies and happy thoughts, I think we still got time for one more scam before supper! Let's go, Double-Dee!" Dashing off, Eddy failed to notice a root sticking out, which caught his foot and sent him tumbling.

"I gotcha, Eddy!" yelled Ed, as he rushed to the rescue of his friend, only to trip over the same rock. The two eventually collided, becoming entangled as they crashed into a tree, which dislodged a wasp's nest hidden in the branches, which promptly fell and landed on Ed and Eddy, who began scrambling around yelling their heads off as they tried to evade the stinging wasps and untangle themselves.

Noticing Edd's quizzical stare, Rolf explained "I apologize for not warning earlier, Twin-Dee Ed-boy, but there may be some residual bad-luck for your friends following the exorcism. It should pass in a day or so... now excuse me, Rolf must attend to his turnips." Strolling off casually to finish his chores, Rolf left Edd to watch his friends take a tumble into the creek in their efforts to escape the hornets. The right thing to do would be to help his friends in their time of need. But seeing as it had been a long day, and the whole fiasco had been their fault in the first place, he decided to let them sort things out. Speaking of chores, he probably had a few sticky notes waiting for him at home, and it would be a welcome alternative to Eddy's hair-brained schemes... knock on wood, Edd thought whimsically.  
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(Yes! It's over, it's finally over. You can all go home now. You might see some more fic from me in the (hopefully) near future, if I can motivate myself to do it in a reasonable amount of time. Thanks again for the comments and the patience!) 


End file.
